Monday, March 18, 2013

AS IF

So, because I'm amazing, I almost passed out in Church yesterday and I don't know WHY that is such a remarkable thing for me but...

First, it would be remarkably embarassing.

Second, there is something really remarkable to me about being out of control of something - a situation, a comment, a newspaper article, my own flawed body. The same body that I'm fairly certain was trying to smack me across the head and say "SLOW DOWN" and like, maybe get some sleep and eat something because humans require those things to function.

I sat in the pew, panting and trying to breathe and control the steamroller of weakness that was plowing over me and it totally. DID. NOT. WORK.

Thank you sweet Jesus I made it out of mass and the second I stepped into the air, I felt immediately better. But absolutely shaken.

..........................................

We are inherently weak people. We give in. We give up. We get mad. I do, anyway.

Recently, I made myself completely weak and vulnerable, for someone else.

And guess what? It failed MISERABLY. I mean, completely nosedived.

But rather than give in, give up...I set the phone down, had a good 15 minute sob, deleted the evidence and MOVED. THE EFF. ON. Because you know what? That sure didn't work. But there's one more winding road that didn't lead somewhere. Try, try again.

So IV and I took the afternoon yesterday to nap and paint pictures and dance around the kitchen to "40 Day Dream" courtesy of the sweetest friend in the world who made us a killer kitchen dance mix. And we loved, LOVED, loved being weak. 

2 comments:

amorepuro1 said...

There's nothing wrong with being weak, open, vulnerable or sad. That's what God is for; he's always here for you when someone else isn't. Praying for you, IV, and everyone that touches your life! You've got this!

Randall Cogburn said...

Sounds like some hard times and you picked a nice activity to do to unwind. I tend to paint also :) hope things get better for you.

~Randall